Something to think about

I just want to write something that could mean something to someone! I just wish I had it in me to be great not just average. I want someone to pick up my book and really feel how Jess felt at that moment. Jess as a character is solid as is Ryan but Scott, Lydia and Megan are weak, that could be because they aren't in it enough to have the affect so re-writing bits to make it work and bringing back Jess' innocence! I like the confidence in her but she needs to be innocent with Scott and confident with Ryan. Scott is the best friend, the guy she's known her whole life and feels comfortable with. She never expects Ryan and its hard for her to accept that Ryan cares for her but as she drifts away from Scott she finds herself attracted to Ryan and his fancy life style. She finds it hard when he rejects her advances and turns to Scott for advice. It leads to a lot of revelations and Scott has to admit feelings that he's been hiding for years. It's hard for Jess to hear and she turns her back on both of them only to grow closer to Ryan. He just seems to know exactly what to say! But a revelation from Ryan pushes her towards Scott and they grow close again and Ryan starts dating a girl and this hurts Jess deeply. She feels betrayed and doesn't react well when Scott kisses her again. She goes to a party and Ryan is there alone and Jess kisses a random guy to make him jealous and it works but he still won't admit his true feelings so she leaves empty.

Frustrated...

Today I am a frustrated writer. It's hard to write about something so personal but yet not so important. The essence of the story is still there but I've changed bits to make it readable and flow better. I want to be honest with myself and my characters but its proving hard to completely allow myself to write from the heart. Its hard looking into my past and wishing things had been different. All this time and I never saw it back then but I was a 16/17 year old who enjoyed the unexpected and the danger, I didn't want to play it safe I wanted to feel everything!But at the same time feel numb from it all. I thought reading my diaries would help but really its just bought things back that I don't want to care about. I know I'm over it and Andy was right, you can't read a diary without taking you back to that point in time. How it felt at that moment, how I wanted to feel at that moment. But my Ryan character who's probably the main character at present along with Jessica is solid and loveable and the perfect guy who suddenly has a serious flaw. The other characters are still minor characters in comparsion but I want you to see how she sees both Ryan and Scott, its important to her development as a character that she changes around them. She loves Ryan but she's 16 and naive and not ready for what being with him would mean and then she befriends Scott and her world changes over a course of a year with Scott being the object of her affection and Ryan becoming the friend he was always destined to be. She struggles with the realisation that the people in her life are lying to her. She graves love but when it becomes apparent that Ryan could possible be 'that' guy she realises that she doesn't feel 'in love' with him. At the moment its hard to tell which guy she will end up with but it will be one of them but perhaps not how everyone expects. She needs to go out on her own and experience life and many years in her future she will bump into 'the guy' and the sparks will bounce once more. You can never ignore the sparks, those mind-numbing feelings of panic as he reaches his arm out to pull you close to him. You want to scream 'leave me alone' but ultimately as his lips touch yours your bodies entwine and you give yourself 100%. Taking in every last desperate ounce of him for fear of never having that moment again!